Bidi vs Cigarette !!!

Bidi = Wife / Cigarette = Mistress!!!

This goes out to all the bidi-lovers…

1)      Bidi comes in a small homely shape while a cigarette comes in a long-white-leggy one..

2)      Bidi is very cheap; cigarette is costly…it just takes to get properly addicted..

3)      You may lend out cigarettes in public but not a bidi(maybe due to shame/inhibition to ur social status)…only dorks and drunkards do (see, I just saved you).

4)      Bidi, as scientists say, is less harmful than the long white temptress.

5)      Bidi is best enjoyed when u r at home, lonely…on the other hand u might smoke cigs right on the sidewalks(in Kolkata, that is).

6)      And now, my favourite point: A Bidi is highly sentimental ( abhimaani, in bangla)..u gotta puff on it off n on..or else it’ll go off..whereas in the case of a cigarette, once u pay the money n light it, it just goes on n on..regardless of whether u r liking it or not…no sentiments involved..just pre-paid pleasure..

Yea..yea..there are too many rebuttals coming to ur mind now..that I just won’t consider…this post is dedicated to my lovely old companion and I won’t hear a word against her…so long u misbelievers…Armageddon is coming soon…Long live ‘neel -dori’…long live C.U. choto/tech canteen…all I care is for the colour of the string and not the decorative golden packs..

Why I’m not a tweeter!!!

Why I’m not a tweeter..

Twitter may be the most addictive pastime of the recent times but sumhow I find it too purpose-less..I know most of u reading this post would disagree with me…the reason being, all our favourite celebs are on twitter and we love following them…but isn’t that too passive?? So I present some points as to why I avoid twitter.

1)      I’m not a celeb so frankly no1 would be interested in what I’m doing or not doing…just imagine how my tweets would look like if I was a regular:

“just had some malpoa at shyamal da’s canteen which was devoid of sugar-syrup(imagine.. sugar-syrup)..heartfelt thnx to rajkumar who again lost a set at 29!!!”

Or,

“just understood how to defeat an artificial chess program..david levy, I owe u 1..”

This list can go on and on to obnoxious recursions.

Frankly, I take this opportunity to take a knock at those who pose as celebs..whatever u might feel about your ‘fascinating’ status updates, I’m absolutely not interested if you like your dumplings fried or in gravy…I’m absolutely not interested if you had to re-route your journey due to a bandh..even this can go on to infinite recursions..

2)      Next, it sends shivers down my spine to think of some tweets that could come up if every1 was to tweet 100% truly..a certain Mr. Mahajan could come up with something like ”had to beat up wife..producer wants to start next season of swayamvar”.

Or,

A certain Ms. Sawant would come up with “kissing isn’t my hobby…it just releases some hormones that makes me wanna lodge an F.I.R. and call a press conference”

Even this can go on..

3)      Twitter spells doom…it might be available on the phones that don’t cost much…but sometimes it costs a ministry..or it costs an entire cricket league presidentship…no need to elaborate I guess.

4)      If I wanted some real social networking I’d rather open my facebook page. it offers more than twitter can even imagine. Basically, I feel extremely lazy to open a page with so few utilities.

5)      I’m a proud person…why the hell should I follow someone who wouldn’t even notice I’m in his ‘follower’ section?? And it really drives me nuts to see stats at newspapers where these celebs boast of their ‘so many followers’, when actually those followers comprise people like myself.

6)      David Gilmour’s not on twitter.

There could have been even more justifications..but even that could go on and on… I’m not saying that u should avoid twitter or sumthing like that..coz there can be a thousand counters to my reasons..what I’m saying is that I don’t like it..

Chulke Nilo!!!

This, I’m writing because yesterday was a day when I laughed my heart out in the class after a long long time..Before I delve deeper, I must explain the root of the fun. Our graphics class is taken by Prof. A.C.  An extremely well mannered n down to earth man he is. Never scolded a soul in the class for all the chitter-chatter that goes on. Always puts up a radiant smile on his face...however he’s got 1 terrible habit…of scratching his entire body…part after part, time after time..The types u get to see in slapstick hindi comedies..

And by the sheer grace of God, our group is a compilation of those who never will miss a chance to scorn sum1 for such ‘adbhutness’; the foolish daredevil being Saswat, always ‘destructing’ the environment of the class. Throughout the duration of the class he was pointing out how sir was scratching himself, every single time.

And then came the climax. Almost 1 o’ clock…time for attendance..it was a typical scratch per roll no. game that was going on..and each time sas shouted “Chulke Nilo!!!”.The scenario was sumwhat like this..

AC: tanmoy datta. (scratches forehead)

Sas: (quite audible to the entire class)Chulke Nilo..

AC: anita agarwal.(scratches behind ears with pen)

Sas: Chulke Nilo..

This went on for sumtime n by the time my name came up..I was almost ROFL..sumhow I responded ,totally uncontrollably laughing.. :D

Then as the 1^st page of attendance register was up, sir went on to close the register, left hand on his right cheek, ready to scratch his stubble..pocha squeaked,” Sir,ekhono baki ache!!!”

God, u should have seen the discontent on sir’s face…unable to control the desire to scratch…but he had to...and with a revengeful expression, he glanced at pocha and went on with the attendance...finally it was over and now sir was totally free n scratched to his heart’s content and bid us adieu for the week.

And we continued laughing for the next 10 mins or so!!!

Hazra-isms.

With all due respect for the mentally/physically/vertically/horizontally/sexually challenged, this is a post about one of the marvels of our class, Hazra. One of the most go-bechara persons you’d come across, he has a penchant for repeating the obvious and has quite some "chun-chununi"  for the opposite gender...hazra’s one of those samples who could choke u to death (if u don’t have drinking water to  save urself) throughout the day with his idiosyncrasies which are totally normal behavior according to him. So much so, that he inspired us to make a list of his “Hazra-isms”.i wont indulge u in the intro part...so put your seat belt on (only if ur not viewing this from ur toilet seat).first of all I’d like u to see how hazra describes himself in orkut. Then “The List” will follow..

1.       The ‘smiley’ incident : this was uncovered when we found out that hazra sends heart-shaped smileys (<3)  to few of his female friends while chatting(I wont mention the names, coz that wud cause tahelka). Hazra’s defense was that he had sent some mask-shaped smileys. Next, he said that he had only sent ‘less than 3’ to sum people…n he’s not responsible if those symbols turned out as hearts…finally he had to mega-treat us to keep this under wraps..btw hazra often says that he doesn’t believe in platonic love.

2.       The ‘Gulliver’s Travels’ incident:  hazra once said that he’d like to visit Brobdingnag , the land of giants, like Gulliver did, coz in that place Gulliver was placed in the bosoms of gigantic women. To be more specific, hazra also added a footnote that this incident of Gulliver was narrated to him by his younger sis who studies MA in ENG..

3.       The ‘adobe acrobat’ incident: recently hazra said that he wasn’t being able to open his adobe reader so he had to study his e-books by acrobat reader.

4.       The ‘Recycle bin’ incident: hazra often deletes his recycle bin. Soon after he comes to class and in his half squeaky voice repeats the obvious.

5.       The ‘this is spam’ incident: hazra often forwards chain mail with subject “this is spam”.

6.       The ‘Hi Horny’ incident: at a point of time hazra was over interested in using chat progs in different sites..be it google,rediff or zapak. Once while using zapak chat, he found someone online with a username of ‘hornygirl’. Totally unaware of what horny means, hazra pinged her saying: “Hi Horny..whats up?? “

7.        The ‘IAS prelims’ incident: hazra had reached the prelims of ias exam 15 mins late due to “train late chilo sir”..on reaching his allotted center he was not allowed..the other examinees requested the invigilators to allow him. They were almost convinced but hazra’s hazra,,he said “niyom is niyom” and left the center.

8.       The ‘LCD is better’ incident: hazra after listening to the first lecture of the graphics class stated that LCD monitors are better than CRT ones bcoz “LCD kaalo hoy na..”

9.       The ‘SMPS’ incident: when his SMPS freaked out, hazra stated the problem in asending order of abstraction... "noy resistor , noy diode, noy transistor, noy chip ta kharap hoyeche."

10.   The ‘processor’ incident: once hazra’s computer refused to boot..hazra stated, “ amar processor ta on hocche na..” as if he singles out every component in his computer before starting it. Seriously, he makes SKS proud.

11.   The ‘DBMS Hotel’ incident: In the dbms mid sem exam, there was a question related to some hotel reservation. Hazra couldn’t solve it. When KND sir asked him of his problem, he replied “sir, ami bhebechilam j apni hotel tay ek ratri thakben,,jantam na j date tao lagbe..”

12.   The ‘zynga poker’ incident: hazra often plays online poker. There was some Mark, who was playing really well. Hazra’s comment : “ Mark ur man.”

13.   The ‘Hazra=female’ incident: once hazra was discussing football with our librarian. The librarian inquired whether hazra’s good in football. Hazra said he’s not..on the contrary he said that he loves playing Ludo. The librarian hence drew conclusion that hazra’s a girl..hazra silently nodded.

14.   The ‘Farmville’ incident: hazra often posts his Farmville achievements with comments such as : “ ami khela ta janio na..tobuo level 2 te pouche gechi..” , “fertilize,fertilize “ , “ any1 want my beautiful flowers ?? “..

   

Some of what’s stated above have been verified with pic proofs...others have arrived from reliable sources. I’m saying this because I’m pre-fetching some counter arguments from the subject of this post.. If any 1 knows something else may please add it as a comment…and please don’t forget to mention how you liked this one!!!

Sad day.

Today is a real sad day for me. Primarily sad because 'Laila' screwed up my plans. Plans of my trip to digha. We were all set but since the word ‘almost’ hasn’t left me as yet, so basically I’m here while the world rejoices. Not all parts of the world. Especially not AP. So I won’t be whining about ‘Laila’ anymore.
Instead, let me tell you how the primary reason drew other tributaries towards it. First of all, I broke the golden rule that must be followed on all sad days. I switched on the radio in my phone. Its strange how this works but seriously the radio understands your mood and mercilessly heightens it rather than moderating it. All the stations were in full gloom at that point of time and it all became even worse. No matter where I went, they all seemed the same. After some time, one of them played a cheerful new song but by then the damage had been done. Even the cheerful ones seemed dim now.
Next, I tried calling up my didi urging her to pay me a visit along with my sweet bhagna. That didn’t work out. More gloom. Next, came my favorite aunts. They were busy too. Even more gloom. It’s too bad a day. And now memories are flooding my top shelf. Memories of how my friends and I would laze around on such a day. And now not even a single one is near me: the ones I could bank upon for such a disastrous day. I miss them so much today, the bunch of my favorite fools – jaju, bua,lalaji,chiro n chulku. Not that I don’t have other friends but they are too busy with their own stuff. Which brings me to the reason why I’m so sad, depressed n lonely today. I don’t know if He can hear me, but if He can, I just request Him to send over a couple of great friends this instant. :)
Sorry, there’s no inbuilt message in this post which could cause a deep impact. Just my sadness. I just wonder how many people are just as sad as me. Do you also wonder?? Then I wonder why you wonder?? Only He knows. And since that ‘delve into insight’ or ‘connect with your inner self ’ bullshit isn’t working for me right now , I’ll just leave it here, giving u and myself some more time to wonder or wander or whatever..